can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
