i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
