My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
