In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
