How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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