So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
