why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
