I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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