my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
