Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
