His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
