I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I still have a little drunk in my system
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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