She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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