I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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