I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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