All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
