I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
