Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
