judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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