you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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