I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
