He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
