i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I could fuck to npr.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
