His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
