i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
