Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
