So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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