Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
