drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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