Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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