hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
