I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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