Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
