You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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