And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
