First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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