Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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