I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
