perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
