fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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