I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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