You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
