We're like a lot better than the average bears
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
high people should be assigned attendants
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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