Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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