I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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