Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We left an ass print on the piano.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
