you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
