thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
