Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
