Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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