the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
