I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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