He uses pillows to masturbate.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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